How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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