Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
