remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
