I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
