i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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