Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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