non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
