My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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