today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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