I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
