God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
