"it" just moved
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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