Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
