I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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