By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
