Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
