Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize