I feel like abortions should bother me more
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
