There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
