I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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