I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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