im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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