I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
