We're like a lot better than the average bears
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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