Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
