my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
