Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize