By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
