He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
