Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
