they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
