and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
