You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
