Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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