Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
