i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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