I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
