There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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