I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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