So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
