Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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