Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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