I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
