those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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