I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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