I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
