He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
