The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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