At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
