The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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