I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
