if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
