I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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