Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
