You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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