Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
