she was so not down for the gang bang
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
