She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
