I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
