Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
last night I used snow as a chaser
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
