would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
