You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
