And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
