Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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