Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
not ubering you a puppy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
