Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
