It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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