Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
