guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
