season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
