My nipple is on Facebook.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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