rhymes with "ouble enetration"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
