Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
