I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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