They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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