Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
