can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
